Sunday, December 6, 2015

A Christmas ___________________________: A Formula for EveryHallmarkChristmas Movie Ever

‘Tis the season of warm sweaters, sledding down snowy slopes, mistletoe, sitting by a warm fire with hot cocoa, Christmas lights, and Saturday night Hallmark Christmas Specials.  That’s right!  The time has come for The Hallmark Channel to spread Christmas cheer and cheesy love stories with their weekend marathons of Christmas movies, both new and old alike.  While some people are really into these two hour doses of cliché cheer, I personally can’t stand them.  Call me a scrooge if you will, but I learned a number of years ago that, if you have seen one of these movies, you have seen them all.  I mean that seriously!  At this point, the only thrill is sipping on eggnog and counting the number of mall Santa’s that appear throughout the course of the movie.  Don’t believe me?  Well, allow me to give you the outline for every Hallmark Christmas movie every filmed.

Before we get into the plot of the movie, we have to establish a title.  Now there is a simple formula you can follow in order to come up with a Hallmark Christmas Movie title.  Are you paying attention?  I don’t want you to miss this because it can get a little complicated.  The formula is as follows:  A/The Christmas ___________________________.   Insert any word you want into that blank and pick the most fitting article to use at the beginning and you have your title.  Boom.  Just as easy as 1,2,3.  I’m serious!  Pick any word to put in that blank and it works.  Miracle, Wish, Shoes, Gift, Letter, Card, Cabin, Cookies, Sleigh, Heart, Headache, etc.  Any one of these options works.

Now that we have our award-winning title, it’s time to introduce our cast of characters.  Let’s address the leads first.